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Alien in an Earthsuit

the universal glitch

Elated Depression

Our upbringing is so

Always down you have to bow

Wonder what is right and wrong

They’ll tell you when to hum a song

In the depths of disparate 

Our souls grow desperate 

Filled with guilt

Brittle heart you built

Asking whether or not you are worthy

Marking all your steps loathly

Never shown the other side

Things can be brighter on the ride

Sacrifice, compromise and channelize

Life gone by once you realize

“Deserve the best” was too filled with agony

You painted my world your shade of mahogany

Servitude to seek God

God to seek happiness

But my happiness lies in that fillet of sole

But that’s not spiritually approved by your soul
Taught to wonder if not this then what

How to be better that the rut

Suppressing all your wants 

Dismissing all your needs

In the name of strength to gain

After all, no pain no gain

Why are we taught so, I wonder

“Why won’t she just surrender?”

When did thinking for self become selfish?

When did selfish become the blemish?

If it doesn’t serve me, then who should  it serve?

Don’t you see how sacrifice becomes needs unmet, needs unmet makes a dissatisfied me, a dissatisfied me makes an unhappy me, an unhappy me makes me wonder.. it makes me wonder of what ifs and what nots.. it makes me scrounge in pain for a little love, for a little praise. I expect others to do good I did upon thee. But what good it is? I sacrificed in the thought of good and made a fool of me.. now tied in the shackles agitated to die. Expectations are the root cause of letdown. Sigh.
We seek a meaning larger than life

But only realize the truth so rife

That’s gone by and filled with regret

You set out to teach the same threat

Growing in the layers of fear

Caught in the shackles of the past so mere

Forever trying to forecast the future so dear

Present slipped away in rubble

I feel it is time to pop the bubble, 

Trust me, it isn’t too much trouble!

The world is coming upon DIY – Do it Yourself

I say SIY- Serve it Yourself

LFY- Live for Yourself

LBYD- Live Before You Die

I before you

Never to feel blue

No mommy no daddy

No personal caddie

Don’t call it being lonely

It is unaltered as nature made me to be; self-sufficient and wildly free.

To have a spine and stand straight

To look up to the sky and feel great

To know the reason behind your smile is you

To see the empire you built and never rue

You know you’re worthy for every ounce of happiness this world has to offer and more

You know you deserve what you desire and it is never too much to score

Living the fat off the land, churning the milk of the ocean and loudly I roar

To listen to your beating heart, to grow and to give good things to the world is what I call life

Not what you taught me in leaps of pseudo spirituality seeking what I can’t see, touch or feel-the ongoing strife

All that and more pinned on your board of shortcomings, they are such a bore 

Now I won’t carry on the burden of your failures anymore

I am tired and I give up

To start a new life where I practice self-service

And do every little thing for my own purpose

I have nothing do with you, nor to hurt nor to help

New person in me has whelped

There goes your upbringing 

Turning into dust with the song I’m singing.

Just One More Day

Ma, I don’t know how you do it
And now I don’t want to understand it
Because if I do, I fear I’ll be like you
Sure we find a reason to smile and laugh
Amidst the tears for being so chafed
Composing a rhythm and tiring moves
Trying so hard to sing away the blues

When the water gets in my lungs
And I cannot breathe any longer
When I cannot stand still with no ground below my feet
I quit and am ready to flee
You hold my hand and say
Just one more day
Just one more day until we are free

Just one more day, dear
All this will be over
Brighter days with rainbows await us there
Where this and that don’t exist
Please listen, don’t resist
For that honey, bear it all, just for one more day

To bear and endure
The atrocity so grandeur
So common a tale now
Could never tell the difference somehow
Always for you, I have bowed
To the unjust with the echo so loud
For a revolt you said was unnecessary
For waiting was the only way to merry

I don’t know anymore what we wait for
My body’s aching all the time, my soul is sore
Tears have begun to dry up
I’m losing the sound of my heart
In your wait of just one more day
I cannot lose myself the way you lost yourself
I need a reason to be
I need to be truly me
I need a life that needs no escaping
I need my time that needs no rescuing

I lay in bed staring into the future each night
Wondering, imagining and painting a picture so fine
Building castles of what ifs
Pulling curtains of happy endings
But when the bitterness of sunray shines through
My dreams are set ablaze and the day just continues

I wonder why you clench me everytime I am through
I wonder if it is your care or fear at play
I’m tired of the routine
Of the strange things you make me fearful of
Telling me tales of the outside world
Waiting out there to harm me
Waiting out there to tear me
But I have taken few midnight strolls
The world you speak of is nothing like you behold
It is not adorned with fairy lights
And butterflies don’t sit on my fingers
But, Ma there are no scary men and no duping bingers
The thought and your fear still lingers
I stay awake in my sleep
Running faster and faster
Running far away in fear
Always learning to hurt before they hurt
Leave before they leave
Never to trust, never to believe
I am growing so hollow and distant from me
Losing myself in the path
Standing alone in the aftermath

Just one more day
Translated into decades of despair
Waiting, hoping and counting on a distant dream
That only gets farther with each day that passes by
I am not scared to fall down, Ma
Being hurt doesn’t bother me and pain is a friend now
I am ready to give up the straps of luxuries and comfort
I am just so frightened to even think that I’ll die waiting for just that one more day
Because I know that day will never arrive until I strive

I will come back, Ma
Come back and lie in your lap
Tell you tales of the outside world
Waiting out there to love you
Waiting out there to heal you
It is you who can love you
It is you who can heal you
If you allow yourself to feel
If you give yourself permission to be
If you allow me, this world can be
Bright with rainbows
Adorned with fairy lights and butterflies
And that someday for you and I
All we ever dream of would arrive
And the wait for just one more day would subside

Things they don’t know of.

I’m the bird you’ll never see
Because I’m the bird who’ll be up the sea
High up in the sky
You must not try
to bring me down
Because it will be futile.

But I’m no bird but human
I’m no human but a girl
I’m no girl but me
And I am more.

I am more.
More than just a girl.
More than just a face.
More than two full lips for you to gaze.
More than flesh.
More than heat.
A little more than for you to eat.

I’m more than to be used.
More than tears.
More than pain.
More than dirt buried in the rain.
I’m more than a song the bird sings in silence.
Definitely more than for your reliance.

The utensils that crack beneath my shutters
The wet floor that creeks to dry
The melting butter
The leftover
And all my children
Tied down by you till I die.

Quenching the thirst of the needy
Providing with the luxuries
Lying naked for you
Viewed nothing above a hole of satisfaction
You press
You bite
You tear
You scratch
I bleed
I cry
I scream
I shout
Us both in agony, pain and chaffed.

We suddenly got the missiles of modernization
Blasted in our mindless heads
But I’m still a bomb
I still can make an explosion
Erecting in a short dress
Pushed up a must
High heeled a must
I am that river in the backdrop of that scenic beauty
The real reason of the scenery anyway
Who sure exists
Can be heard
Can be seen
Blurred, neglected and shoved in the backdrop.

You might as well know
I’m not hard as steel
My one of many weaknesses, I feel
But I can hurt you
In one way than many
I will make your last breath
So miserable
But yet I don’t.
Don’t know why.
I am not above you.
Or beyond the pain.
But because
Just because I feel.

Currents

I thought shutting eyes to it would work
I thought turning head away would work
I thought staying busy would work
I thought change of air would work
I thought it would all work a marvel
But my mind kept running in circles
To find the answers for the echoing questions that once my heart asked

So vivid the memories run
In fear of despair of what ifs
Muddy and grainy the mind is blurred
All connections lost
The undercurrent now becoming a storm
Rising beneath my breath
Taking over my head
I wonder if I’ll ever heal
I wonder if I’ll ever be
Those things I dreamed of or just remain a keep tied to the shackles of the rustic door which leads to a time agone.

I wonder if I ever will be able to look past it
Move on to a garden that bursts into life
Or maybe
Just maybe I was the glitch in design
To feel all the pain and wonderment
Of what all this life could be.

Through aches and passive pain
I shall bear
I shall heal
But once the fire in me doused out
Would you come and hold me tight?
Not a word to be whispered
Not a breath to be heard
Just your warmth against my skin
Just your beating heart against my hollow chest.

As the currents rise above the tides
I shall maketh the strides
In hope of long lasting love
Clasped like a twig inside your glove.

Have I said too much?

I know I am not fun anymore
I don’t find ways to entertain you now
I know I am not caring anymore
I don’t dig the reasons behind your sorrow filled words now
I know I am not yours anymore
I am not because I was never

It’s tiring now
I remember when it was more than effortless, it was my want
I cared, you devoured
Asked to stay longer, I stayed
Asked to love longer, I loved
Asked to feed your flame, I fed
And in that tale of simple kindness, I faded away

Now I can see so clearly through your soul, your need for me to want you
I am tired now of your silly antics and those trivial methods you play so well
“Why don’t you give up?” I ask in annoyance
“When will you give up?” I wonder in hope
Your demands of my time bother me
In more ways than one, it itches my heart and crumbles my spine
Don’t you see that I know that you know that I know but we still have it the oblivious way that none of us know
It aches my heart to wonder if that we can be all that we could be.
But aren’t because of your silly need to be wanted
Helpless desire to be heard, to be validated, to be applauded
bothers every nerve in my soul
So now that I give up
I slowly walk away as desired but not in the direction proposed
I shall slip away
Slide away
Fade away
Slowly and slowly
Farther and farther
Somewhere you wouldn’t bother me
Somewhere I could be all that I can be
Somewhere I wouldn’t need you
Somewhere it wouldn’t bother me that I might be bothering you
You won’t approve of me first
You will hate me by the second
You will ignore me by the third
You will try by the fourth
You will pacify by the fifth
You will turn indifferent by the sixth
You won’t care a damn by the seventh
And upon the dusk of the seventh, my soul shall be set free off the shackles I caged myself in to submit in your ambition.
And upon the dawn of the eighth, I shall be liberated to discover what I mean to me.

Finally I will know that it is my world.
Where I make peace with my breath. Where I am kind without validation.
Where I am free with my thoughts.
Where I can smile without you asking me why.
Where I can lay forever and die.
Finally you’ll know that it is your world.
Where you need to feed your fire.
Where you need to cuddle yourself to sleep.
Where you wipe your tears and make your heart sing.
Where I won’t be there to tell you “This too shall pass.” Because sooner or later, honey, this too shall pass.

Sweaty Palms

Clenched her fist drenched salinely tirelessly waiting to touch the ground
Shivers down her spine and sudden bursts of quail shook her ground
Timid and tiny
Relentlessly crying, hoping to find the meaning of it all
The girl wept wondering why she so did.

Through the years, a rebel came by
Not committing even if things complied
Angst and agony were poison of choice
Still stray she wondered in hope of rejoice
The girl was now growing up
after years of growing in
Soothed by the passage of time
Calmed by the antics of mind
She crafted a bellow of wonders and fantasies
And became the desired face of philogyny
They told her the destination had arrived
The lady she has become is as far as she must ever get derived

But there was something about life
Challenged her to challenge things
Not committing when meant to commit
Neither giving in nor giving out
She was tuning a mystery to her tone
Building blocks of paradoxes of facts and lies she knit with love
She was realising what she meant to the world
Nothing, whispered the echoes
She was realising what the world meant to her
Nothing, echoed the whispers
She realised she lied in ease in the laps of the nature for she was synonymous to all that she ever breathed
She finally grew up to be what she was destined to be
A woman, she had handcrafted to be.

Now she blows kisses of air as she looks down her sweaty palms
Reminiscing all those things that have made her what she is now
Not shunning the struggles she faced
For they make her what she is now
Gratuitous and in pride are her strides
As the cool breeze dries out her sweaty palms
She shall reclaim her fate intended realm.

3 Days, 3 Quotes; Day 3

I have been nominated by Chitrakarman for this 3 days, 3 quotes challenge, so thanks for that 🙂

The rules are that you have to post three quotes per day for three days and further nominate three people each day.

My quotes are:

“Our feelings are second handed. Our love is constructed. Our beliefs colored. Our originality valid through artificial art.”

-Rohith Vemula

(a university student’s suicide note. RIP.)



 

 

“Remember this, that very little is needed to make a happy life.”

– Marcus Aurelius



 

“I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.”

-WoP

 

My final nominations are:

1. saharaina

2. poemhobby

3. tymnix

3 Days, 3 Quotes: Day 2

I have been nominated by Chitrakarman for this 3 days, 3 quotes challenge, so thanks for that 🙂

The rules are that you have to post three quotes per day for three days and further nominate three people each day.

My quotes are:-

“Talent is an accident of genes – and a responsibility.”
Alan Rickman
R.I.P♡

“The greatest good you can do for another is not just
to share your riches but to reveal to him his own.”
Benjamin Disraeli

“There are two most powerful days in your life the day you’re born, and the day you discover why.”
Boniface Mwangi

My nominations for today are:
1. vamagandhi
2. theresnomasterplan
3. agenda19892010

3 Days, 3 Quotes : Day 1

I have been nominated by Chitrakarman for this 3 days, 3 quotes challenge, so thanks for that 🙂

The rules are that you have to post three quotes per day for three days and further nominate three people each day.

My quotes are:-

The unexamined life is not worth living. But if all you’re doing is examining, you are not living.

-Adam Leipzig

If you’re gonna be bad, be bad with purpose. Otherwise you’re just not worth forgiving.

-Damon (TVD)

No war, no fighting, just conversations over food.

-Sita by Devdutt Pattanaik

I further nominate-
1. Brevity
2. QWF Writes
3. The Becoming Radical

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